Friday, August 15, 2008

I Never Thought I Would...

...be standing at a register at Bed Bath & Beyond holding a wine glass full of my sons poop.

Yeah - you read that right.

We have been seeing some blood in Jaxon's stool for awhile now. I took him in a few months back but we have just been monitoring it. The doctors don't think it is anything serious since there are no other symptoms. No pain, regular, otherwise normal poops, etc. But recently we really started noticing it again so I took him back in on Monday and the doctor ordered some routine type tests. He had to get his blood drawn and he was FANTASTIC for that. Didn't even flinch. He just sat on my lap and watched with interest. Amazing considering what a struggle last years flu shot was and that was just a quick poke.

Anyway, she wanted to get some stool samples too, but he hadn't had any evening poos this week. Until last night. Right in the middle of trying to shop for a wedding gift at Bed Bath & Beyond. And he had to go BAD - like RIGHT NOW MOM!

Great - of all of the moments this week to choose, he couldn't have chosen *better*. So I frantically look around for something I can use to catch it and get it home. The only thing I can find nearby is a rack of clearance wine glasses. I didn't even have time to purchase it first (there was a line at the one register open) so I just grabbed it and took it in the restroom with us and yes - caught his poo in the wine glass. So then I have the quandry of how to tactfully get it out through the store and back to the car, and I still have to buy the thing. So I wrapped the glass in paper towels and grabbed another glass to take to the register.

Much to my consternation, the girl at the register is young and just totally confused. I try to tactfully explain that I need to pay for the glass in my hand but that she really does not want to touch it and here is another identical glass to use to ring it up. She still is not understanding, and winds up ringing up both glasses. She asks if I want them wrapped. ***crickets*** No - I really just want to get this glass of poop I am holding in the middle of your store OUT of the store as quickly as possible. Good Lord! You should have seen me flustered, trying to explain without too much detail and her just blankly staring at me.

Anyway, I run out to put it in the car and still have to go BACK in the store and get the gift which I did as quickly as possible. Then I went back to the car to get the glass. Luckily I had Jaxon's lunch bag in there and put the glass in the bag and went and got ice from the burrito joint across the way (using a cup to get the ice - not directly into the bag of course!) after first having to purchase the beverage and our dinner. So then back to the car, fill bag, and back in to eat our food (after first washing hands in the bathroom again of course!) ALL OF THIS WITH JAXON IN TOW.

I can't remember the last time I was so exhausted, embarrassed, and flustered. I knew I was in for some interesting times being a mom but I never would have imagined I would one day have to stand in line at a register to pay for a glass with poop in it.

And let me tell you, that was a stinky half hour drive back home!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thank god every day for not having to go back to work at Bed Bath and Beyond. Most people just hid their children's dirty diaper behind the toss pillows or in an ottoman in the furniture room. I appreciate you giving me one more thing to be thankful that I never have to deal with again.

mel said...

***crickets*** (good one)

Hahahahahahahaha!!!! You're a good mommy! ;)

Dave Hampton said...

I avoided medical school because I thought sick patients would be too gross: I get sympathetic pains watching the physiology videos in lecture halls. But then the children arrived, and I got a strong stomach quickly. I love them with a passion, but it's amazing what a parent has to deal with.

'sounds like you did it well!

Leslie said...

Ha ha! This was too funny. And definitely one for the memory books! It is possible that you have the distinction of being the only person to ever purchase a wine glass full of poop at Bed Bath & Beyond.

Hilarious!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh my goodness! I can't think of a more unusual thing I've ever heard. You've topped it! Er...so to speak.

And this relates to your more recent post, but when you tried soy milk was it plain? Because I don't love soy milk, but I was pleasantly surprised to like the Vanilla kind over cereal. It's sweet and yummy. Maybe he'll like it on cereal?